after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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