just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
