the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
His nipple licking is glorious
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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