i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
