Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
