i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
