I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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