she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
