she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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