dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
