OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
