Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
