we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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