I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
