We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
