I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
