i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
