Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
