so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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