Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
