So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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