She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
