i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
