I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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