My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
