I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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