I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
