once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
