woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
