This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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