Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
