Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
