He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
