This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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