Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
