my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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