a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
