What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
