and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
