I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
