hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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