Can i not drive my cunt home
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
