i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
