Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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