I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
