She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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