kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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