If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
