To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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