What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
