Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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